The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 3

In this month's performance from the acclaimed Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable--monodialogue® cell phone performances from the Washington subway--showbiz lobbies for better government.

Ladies and Gentlemen, The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 3:

What's up?
I had a good time too.
Hey thanks. Yeah, I've been working out.
Twice a week at Homeland Security.
Ah huh, the gym's in the basement.
An old bunker.

Abs and upper body.
Tom Ridge? Never.
Not just a stud, a nipple shield.

At the gym? Yeah, I hear stuff.
[A woman nearby abruptly shuts her Clive Cussler novel]
They're putting Bush on a tape delay.
Just in case.
5 seconds? No, 5 minutes.
Not enough.

What's he think?
Wardrobe malfunction?
War malfunction.

Great.
It's a date.
Ok, I'll meet you there.
Wear that black thing. What?
You know, that black thing that...
Yeah, that's the one.
And don't be...
No, I won't be late.
See ya soon. Bye.

Past Performances:
The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 1
The Theatre of the Barely Socially Acceptable, Act 2